The [he]art of slapstick

Viewing a film called Just Friends on the weekend I was reminded me why I loath some films: They simply have no soul. They exist simply to hate on people and make money. Just Friends was a good example. It had a funny premise - a loser returns to his home town 10 years later, now rich and handsome, to win back the girl who would only ever be his friend - and turned the entire affair into 90 minutes of despicable punching kicking and falling of buildings.

I saw a similar film called There's Something About Mary. Did they? That film was a huge hit. Just Friends was not. Do you know why that is? The former was hilariously stupid and goofy, but beneath all the ridiculous and often mean actions of its characters were beating hearts and open wounds dying to be healed. Beneath the latter was a heart of stone and hate.

I loved him not too.

Ryan Reynolds was terrible, and I generally like the guy. He's charismatic, charming, funny and handsome. Hell, he'd turn me gay. But not here, were he consistently acted like the sickest most horrible fuck this side of Satan and Saddam Hussein. When the inevitable reunion takes place and Amy Smart falls in love with him, I was left shaking my head saying out loud "WHY???". I didn't realize that the best way to earn a girl's affections was to treat her like absolute dirt and be an utterly pretentious wanker. I better change my tactics.

Soulless films are evil.

I blame 7.9% of the world's needless violence on Just Friends

If when making a film there is no point to the proceedings then why did you persist making the film in the first place? Was it purely for a buck? Why couldn't the characters have just been nice to one another? Or learned a lesson? Or at least gotten their just desserts? We could've all walked out of the theatre or home happier. All that film made me want to do was slap my housemate in the face (and not simply because he liked this piece of shit).

Slapstick is funny. I enjoyed Sandler's You Don't Mess With the Zohan because it was harmless and sweet, even when he was kicking a cat around like a hacky sack. His character was so nice to people I couldn't help but go with the film. But when people running into walls and punching one another in the face becomes the defining moments for a film, you know we're in trouble.

Let's make love not war people.