Actors who have no consistency

Mark Whalberg's new film Max Payne is getting horrid reviews. It is rating 8% at Rotten Tomatoes, possibly the second lowest score after Disaster Movie's much deserved 2% rating (who the hell gave it a positive review. I must find this for another post!)

Max Payne's shitness really shouldn't be a surprise because it is based on a video game (although I'm willing to give Super Mario Bros. another watch!), but Mark Whalberg really should have known better.

What the heck is with this guy? He rips through films like The Departed, Three Kings, and I Heart Huckabees, but bores us to tears in The Happening, Four Brothers and The Truth About Charlie. The fact is he mustn't be attuned to his own talents or strengths. He needs a strong director to guide his way...

I was discussing him with a friend who commented that bad Mark Whalberg is oddly asexual, while good Mark is a firecracker. He must need the right material to ignite his balls.

Who else has no idea what the heck they're doing?

2) Halle Berry.

I only have a few performances as proof that she's good, such as Monster's Ball, Jungle Fever, Bulworth, and Things We Lost in the Fire, but they are proof enough. Oh yeah, plus her tits did a great performance in Swordfish.

But did anyone see Catwoman? I did, and man was that a roarer of a film. I missed Perfect Stranger but for good reason I believe. She just does not know the difference between shit and roses. They both smell the same to her. "Puuuurfect" indeed.

The epitome of so bad it's good. "Cat got your tongue???"

Special mention must go to her Catwoman costar Sharon Stone, whose performances in Basic Instinct and Casino showed immense talent and then she tumbled into supposed "films" like Cold Creek Manor and Basic Instinct 2.

3) Nicolas Cage.

Please make better movies Nic!

How about Leaving Las vegas 2: Redemption???

This has been previously discussed, but this guy just boggles my mind. I'm assuming his reasons behind accepting certain films span beyond the actual film himself. Maybe he wanted a holiday in Bangkok? Maybe National Treasure was a huge hit and he was signed up for a sequel? Maybe he likes comic books? Maybe he...nope I've got nothing for Wicker Man, that was just a BAD MOVE!!! (seriously, Neil Labute has made some awesome films so a lot of the blame falls on his shoulders).

When a Nic Cage film is bad, Nic Cage is BAAAAD!!! Maybe the word is bored. NEXT!

4) Charlize Theron.

Has anyone seen Aeon Flux? Nope. Good, you've saved yourself 90 minutes of torture. But then we have such prestige pics like In the Valley of Elah to bring us hope. These days Charlize likes to take turns, one for them, one for her. Unfortunately unlike more picky actors like Matt Damon, her "thems" are studio-infected trash like Hancock. She's no Cage, but at least his pieces of poos are huge hits.

Unlike Catwoman, is not so bad it's good. It's just plain bad.

5) Owen Wilson.

His pal Ben Stiller has made a dud here and there, but nothing compared to Mr. Wilson's track record. You Me and Dupree, Drillbit Taylor, I Spy, The Big Bounce. These are just lame. My personal thoughts are that Owen is not suited to leading-man status. He is better in ensemble pieces like the Wes Anderson films, or as a quirky supporting character in things like Zoolander.

And did anyone even bother with Behind Enemy Lines, his one attempt at action-man status? Obviously that career direction didn't pan out...

ps. Check out his The Minus Man from 9 years back, a dark unsettling film where he plays a serial killer. This is his best leading man performance. SO creepy. I wish he had pursued similar roles, but alas...

Trust me bud, that hack will do no favours for your career or sanity.

6) Ben Affleck.

I have a soft spot for this guy. His directorial debut Gone Baby Gone was all class. Chasing Amy is utterly brilliant. And I will defend Gigli to the end of the earth (okay it's no classic, but it's perfectly watchable, funny, and well acted).

But why couldn't he have followed the career of his bud Matt Damon? Armaggedon AND Pearl Harbour??? Man About Town might have seemed a good prospect - Mike Bander's previous film The Upside of Anger was great - but did he read the script? And Paycheck. Oh, poor Paycheck. You were such a miscarriage. The whole film was spent focussed on Ben's gigantic chin.

It is an alluring chin.

But there are many Ben Affleck films which were critically derided but worthwhile: Bounce, Reindeer Games, Daredevil, and Smokin' Aces. Hell, maybe I take it back. Maybe I think he's awesome, it's all you other people who have the problem!

7) Angelina Jolie.

I think she should have been at the top of the list, but actually she's at the bottom. Unlike her dear husband Brad, Angie has no idea if a film is going to be good. Wanted (I'm not linking to it) was terrible, and despite the fact that she dies in it (I'm SPOILING this so less people will see this shockingly inept film) I'm sure she's already signed up for the next two sequels.

She can be good. Changeling looks fantastic. But it often seems to be at no credit of Mrs. Pitt, who in every bad film she does, including Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Brad Pitt's only recent truly bad movie), Taking Lives, and Tomb Raider insists on pouting her weathered anorexia lips whenever her character is being "dramatic".

I hate this film so much.

All I want is for Angie to eat a burger. It really might help her career, at least increasing the amount of blood vessels floating to her brain.

So that's my opinion. Did I miss anyone?