Why Pineapple Express sucked

This is Judd Appatow. Currently the Coolest Guy On The Planet.

Now if you believe that I am in the Judd Apatow-dissenting camp of "I hate everything that 'in' right now" you are most decidedly WRONG. I praise the man for what he is doing to modern comedy. Freaks and Geeks (2000) and Undeclared (2001) were freakin’ great TV shows and 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005), Knocked Up (2007) and Superbad (2007) etc. etc. are hilarious, heart-warmingly real classics of the comedy genre.

But this is the time when bubbles burst, and I do worry that Pineapple Express displays power gone mad, just like those bloody Harry Potter books which seemed to get larger with every volume JUST CAUSE SHE COULD!!!

I couldn’t wait for Pineapple Express. Why?

1) The reunion of Freaks and Geeks alumni Seth Rogen and James Franco.

2) A genre I have immense fondness for (the buddy action comedy) spliced with a genre that crew should be more than capable of hitting out of the ball park (the stoner comedy).

3) The writing team of Superbad.

4) Apatow’s directing and producing track record.

We're having an awesome time. Are you?

But alas, I walked out of the theatre feeling like I’d just watched Ninja Turtles part III in 1993 (it was my 8^th birthday party and let’s just say that it would have been better if that film didn’t suck massive donkey balls).

So what happened? Here is my final, carefully considered thoughts on the matter:

1) When you mix genres, you better give each ample screen time and make sure they fit

2) Seth Rogen needs to change his acting style.

3) James Franco needs to do nothing. He was awesome.

4) Someone needed to tell indie auteur and Pineapple director that scenes going for 5+ minutes and NOTHING HAPPENS are boring.

5) Making a movie where people smoke pot and get suer strength and/or increased physical and intellectual ability, and then saying at the end of the movie “oh yeah, pot is bad” does not make an anti-pot movie.

6) If you have a female character and it is the only female character besides Rosie Perez, you must resolve that plotline.

7) Having a final scene where the main characters sit down and recap what happened during the film is lame.

8) Someone needs to tell Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg to do another draft.

9) Villains should be cool and change during the script and do fun things, unlike Gary Cole who was cool BUT did not change at all during the script and did nothing fun.

10) Finally, this film was not bad, it was merely mediocre. That is depressing as the potential was there.

How is this NOT cool? It boggles my mind.

Am I right?

I feel like watching it again just to prove myself wrong, but I made that error in judgment with Indie 4 earlier this year and that proved fatal.

I'm sure they'll be back, better than ever. Please let Funny People (2009) actually be funny.